Quiet Becoming

Before I knew what Love meant
I wonder,
I wonder how life would have been
without her. My first Love,

The one who taught me how to live.
A presence once so close,
now distant and unreal
yet still closer than anyone
I had ever known.

She held my joys,
and quietly carried my sorrows,
as if they were her own.
She prayed for my happiness,
promised to take my pain,
and somehow,
made me believe she could do it all.

Her beauty-soft, unassuming
Her smile-quietly disarming
Her voice a gentle reassurance,
and her love without condition.

There was something rare in her care,
something that didn’t demand but gave endlessly
leaving me in quiet awe
She just didnt listen,
she absorbed it all, my pain, my fears
She shaped me without force,
made me brave without asking
and spoke in ways that
made me believe in myself

Even her silence, had meaning,
and her presence, was enough
Her touch, warm and steadying
as if saying, u can.
and, for the first time I did

She was far from perfect
Irrational at times, overthinking, over feeling
yet always, deeply genuine and kind
Her instincts leaned towards love,
Her support never wavered,
Her wisdom – simple but always right.

And in her presence,
I found something I didn’t know I was searching for – Peace
She believed I was her world so beautiful,
and in that belief,
I began to see my worth
So much of me was built
in the space she held

She softened my falls,
stayed when my heart was broke,
the one who held me together and calmed my fears
when I couldn’t
The one who made me smile without trying
one, who wiped my tears
without asking why

Not just someone who came into my life-
but someone who existed
only after I did.

A woman before,
A mother after.

She watched me grow,
through years that slipped all too quickly.

And somewhere along the way,
I stopped noticing
how much of me
was her.

I only wish
time had the kindness
to let it stay that way –
FOREVER.

If I am anything like her today,
its all because she showed me the way!!

I started to write this when I lost my mom as a child, I kept writing and re-writing, it never seemed enough to describe her. I am posting this today in an overwhelming urge of sadness enveloping me. Please keep her in your prayers. that’s all I ask

In appreciation of “Appreciation”

The students at Sandra’s high school were badly shaken by the news that a classmate had killed himself. The suicide note said, “It’s hard to live when nobody cares if you die.” Glen, a teacher, realized this was a teachable moment about the importance of making people feel valued. He asked the class to imagine they were about to die and to write a note “telling someone how and why you appreciate them.”

Sandra, who had a rocky relationship with her mother, decided to write to her mom. Her letter said, “We’ve had some rough times and I haven’t always been a very good daughter, but I know I’m lucky to have you in my life. You are the best person I’ve ever known. And even when I disagree with you, I never doubt you love me and want what’s best for me. Thanks for not giving up on me.” When her mom read the note, she cried and hugged Sandra tightly but said little.

The next morning, Sandra found a note on her mirror. “Dearest Sandra, I want you to know that being your mother is, by far, the most important thing in my life. Until I got your note, I thought I had lost your love and respect. I felt like such a failure. I intended to end it all last night. Your note saved my life.”

Be careful not to underestimate the power of expressed appreciation. It won’t always save a life, but it will always make someone’s life better.

Appreciation??

All of us have heard a lot about yet we know so little of it’s true power and how we can use it to our advantage.

Simply put, appreciation is a habit. It’s a way of looking at our lives, world and all the things in it with a feeling of appreciation, regardless of whether the current situation is to our liking or not.

Real appreciation is much more than politeness, like saying thank you when someone passes the salt or conveys good wishes; it’s a deeper psychological state of genuine thankfulness and trust in the universe. Appreciation is a heart-centered approach to being at peace with yourself and with all you have and all you are yet to have. Appreciation means thankfulness, counting your blessings, noticing simple pleasures, and acknowledging everything that you receive.

It means learning to live your life as if everything were a miracle and being continuously aware of how much you’ve been given. Appreciation shifts your focus from what your life lacks to the abundance that is already present. As you practice this feeling of appreciation, you’ll attract more things into your life to be appreciative of. Besides, behavioral and psychological research has shown the surprising life improvements that can stem from the practice of appreciation. Giving thanks makes people happier and more resilient, it strengthens relationships, it improves health, and it reduces stress.

According to an old proverb, “If you never learn the language of Appreciation, you’ll never be on speaking terms with happiness.”

I’m still getting better at it, but it’s true; the more I appreciate, the happier I am. That’s a lesson I want my children and the newer generation to learn. A day where millions are appreciative of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness is a wonderful thought. One of the many things I love about appreciation is that it raises your awareness. No matter what is going on at any moment, choosing to express appreciation depends on where your focus is.

In “The Science of Getting Rich” Wallace Wattles said…

“When good things come to us, the more gratefully we fix our minds on the Supreme Power, the more good things we will receive—and the more rapidly they will come.

The reason for this is simply that the mental attitude of appreciation draws the mind into closer touch with the source from which the blessings come.”

Wattles also said, “You cannot exercise much power without appreciation, because it is appreciation that keeps you connected with power.”

Yeah, appreciation is AWESOME and it also affects the brain at a biological level.

Do you know what the antidepressant Wellbutrin does? Boosts the neurotransmitter dopamine. So does appreciation.

The benefits of appreciation start with the dopamine system because feeling appreciative activates the brain stem region that produces dopamine. Additionally, appreciation toward others increases activity in social dopamine circuits, which makes social interactions more enjoyable.

Do you know what Prozac does? Boosts a neurotransmitter called serotonin. So does appreciation.

One powerful effect of appreciation is that it can boost serotonin. Trying to think of things you are appreciative of forces you to focus on the positive aspects of your life. This simple act increases serotonin production in the brain.

I know, sometimes life lands a really mean punch in the gut and it feels like there’s nothing to be appreciative of. Guess what? It doesn’t matter. You don’t have to find anything. It’s the searching and the focus that counts.

It’s not finding appreciation that matters most; it’s remembering to look in the first place. Remembering to be appreciative is a form of emotional intelligence. A study found that it affects the neuron density in a few parts of the brain; these changes suggest that as emotional intelligence increases, the neurons in these areas become more efficient. With higher emotional intelligence, it simply takes less effort to be appreciative.

It is a state of well being; appreciation doesn’t just make your brain happy — it can also create a positive feedback loop in your relationships. So, express that appreciation to the people you care about. Appreciation is a fundamental human need; people who are valued add more value.

“If the only prayer you say in your life is ‘thank you,’ that would suffice.” – Meister Eckhart

Giving Thanks

Begin by looking around and gently notice something that pleases you. Try to hold your attention on this pleasing object as you consider how wonderful, beautiful, or useful it is. And as you focus upon it longer, your positive feelings about it will increase. Now, notice your improved feeling, and be appreciative of the way you feel. Once your feeling is noticeably stronger and better than when you began, look around your environment and choose another pleasing object for your positive attention.

Make it an objective to choose to focus on objects that easily evoke your appreciation, for this is not a process of finding something troubling and fixing it; this is a process of practicing appreciation and its frequency. The longer you focus upon things that feel good to you, the easier it is for you to maintain the vibrational frequencies that feel good. And the more you maintain these good feeling frequencies, you will find thoughts, experiences, people, and things that empower it.

As you move through your day with a primary intention to find things to appreciate, you are practicing a vibration of less resistance, and you become adept at maintaining a state of appreciation.

Showing Appreciation Often

The more you find something to appreciate, the better it feels; the better it feels, the more you want to do it. With such a powerful momentum of positive thoughts and feelings in a very short time with little effort, you will find your heart singing in your joy.

And in this wonderful-feeling place where no resistance exists, you will be in an exaggerated state of allowing; you will be in what is called a “state of flow” where everything you desire can easily come into your experience. The better it gets, the better it gets!

Every time you appreciate something, every time you praise something, every time you feel good about something, you are telling the Universe: “More of this, please.”

A desire to appreciate is a very good first step, and then as you find more things that you would like to say “Thank you” for, it quickly gains momentum. And as you want to feel appreciation, you attract something to appreciate. And as you appreciate it, then you attract something else to appreciate, until, in time, you are on a roll!! Doesn’t that sound exciting?

Some of these concepts may seem far from conventional, I’d suggest that you keep an open mind and try. Now, how can you make this happen?

Self-Appreciation is a good place to start

In today’s fast-paced society, many people get lost in the expectations of the outside world, constantly worrying about what other people think about their endeavors. They measure the progress by using the outside world rather than looking inside themselves. By looking on the inside and appreciating what you already have, you draw yourself closer to what you desire.

Mind your own business

What others think of you is none of your business. Seek to evolve in to a better person. Love yourself and appreciate what you have, what you are and what you are working towards in life with an understanding that you truly hold the power to craft your reality.  

This may seem like a difficult task, but once you can feel that appreciation for yourself, you allow yourself to have all that you desire. Once you reach this level of self-appreciation, you unlock your full potential in the journey of your life and achieve even your most coveted dreams.

I’d like to suggest that you take a few moments to say “thanks” for someone or something in your life no matter what part of the world you’re in!! Realize how good it feels to acknowledge how good it is to feel appreciative.

Go ahead, try it out right now. Let this new year bring you more joy, love and all that you deserve and desire. What or who do you have in your life to be thankful for?

“Trade your expectations for appreciation and the whole world changes for you!!” – Anthony Tony Robins.

Be ready to be in Love before you look for Love

Being in love is undoubtedly an amazing experience. Sharing your life with someone special who gets you, adores you, and loves you for who you are is amazing. Sometimes it is essential for us to work on ourselves before we are ready to attract a love like that.

Rather than jumping into yet another romantic adventure without thinking, I encourage you to get ready to be ready for the relationship you seek.

Instead of dating anyone under the sun, getting your heart broken on occasions and wasting time I encourage you to get ready. Although everything solicits lot of growing and learning too, wouldn’t it be nice if to avoid pain? 

Be Ready

You might be thinking that readiness is about being set to give up things like your freedom, independence and devote yourself to nurture your relationship and share your life with another person. Not exactly, you don’t have to give up any; these can co-exist in a relationship. My focus on readiness here is very much about living a fulfilled life right now being single. It’s about not needing a partner, but wanting one.

Readiness is free of desperation. Readiness is about living purposefully and passionately. Being ready means being okay with your life as it is right now. Being ready is about realizing you are whole and realizing that you don’t need someone to make you complete. Being ready is not about filling the gap in your life with a romantic partner, but creating a life you love to live. When you are ready this way, you attract happy partners who know they are complete resulting in happy and lasting relationships.

Take responsibility for your happiness

The belief that you will be happy when are with the right person, or someone will take the responsibility to keep you happy is taking you nowhere. Nobody is responsible for your happiness but you. You need to tap into the happiness within. Know that happiness doesn’t magically show up the moment you meet the love of your life. Happiness has to already be there. Take charge of your happiness. 

Single is not a status. According to me it is a word that describes a person who is strong enough to live and enjoy life without depending on others. Take charge of your life now and work on being happy.

How can you do that? To start with, shift your perspective and appreciate what you have rather than focusing on what you would have if you were in a relationship.  Find reasons to be appreciative of things no matter how small in your day to day life. This will help you be more present in your life so you can tune into all the many other reasons to be happy.

If you can’t enjoy being single, how can you enjoy being with someone else? Stop postponing things that make you happy, things that you had imagined doing with your future partner. Sign up for the gym, travel more, save up for my future house, take up swimming, working out, yoga etc.

The happier you are right now being single, the happier relationship you will be able to create. And this might go without saying but the happier you are, the more other happy people will be drawn to you.

Self Love comes first

You have nothing to prove to anyone, love yourself, accept yourself the way you are and be proud to be who you are! The love you have for yourself will determine your how people treat you all the way to your romantic decisions. People can only love you if you believe that you are lovable and only to the extent you believe are worthy of it. If you don’t feel worthy of love, then you will make compromises that could hurt you. If you don’t feel that are the best thing that can ever happen to a guy/ a girl, then I reckon you still need to work on self-love.

Self-love is a conscious choice it is bold and is about owning your greatness and uniqueness. It is a practice of choosing yourself, putting yourself first when you can, making self important choices and being kind and compassionate to yourself. Also, self-love is about choosing things, people, and situations that are good for you, feel right, and serve you. It is about claiming your desires and knowing what you deserve and going for it without apologizing or justifying. Self love is one of the key factors that help your happiness in any relationship.

Self-love is very powerful and your job is never done even when you are in a relationship you constantly need to choose self-love. To be happy in a relationship you must first love yourself. If you don’t love yourself, you cannot fully love others and neither can you fully receive love. Your relationship with anyone is only as good as the relationship you have with yourself.

To go deeper with self-love and recognizing your own worth you can create a list of 100 things you love, admire, appreciate, and respect about yourself. The things which make you feel proud about who you are! 

 When you start practicing loving yourself so many things start to change in your life.

Do things that develop self love and worth. You can also create a little self-love ritual by make a healthy choice a day- Today I choose to… eat healthy food, have some fun, exercise, go to bed early, have a bath, read a book etc. 

Have healthy, compassionate and strong boundaries 

It’s nice to imagine that love has no boundaries and once you have found that amazing person, life with them will be nice and easy. Sorry to burst your bubble, but that is a recipe for a disaster.

Without strong boundaries, you will lose yourself in any relationship you find yourself in. You will lose yourself in pleasing, accommodating, and compromising to the point where you won’t remember who you are and what you need.

Setting boundaries doesn’t mean you are selfish or aggressive towards others, it is defining yourself. Boundaries define what is you and what is not you. It shows you or others where you end and someone else begins, leading to a sense of ownership. 

Healthy boundaries help maintain a crucial sense of self. You will feel empowered when you strengthen your boundaries from a place of self love. They let others know where they stand with you and what is expected of them. They also give clarity to others and make things simple. Healthy boundaries; physical, emotional or spiritual help you build healthy relationships and are important no matter how intimate or familial. The boundaries tend to be more permeable with people closest to us and less with strangers which is quite different to having no boundaries at all. You better set those boundaries now and stick to them!

Here are a few examples of boundaries which will help you maintain your sense of self and honor your own needs:

• Don’t give up things you love doing for  anyone including your partner
• Speak your mind and say “no” when it feels like a “no”
• Regularly do things on your own or just with your own friends
• Have your own goals and dreams
• Have your passions and purpose
• Respect your own values 
• Spend time alone 
• Stand for what you believe in and don’t be swayed by other’s perspectives or justify them

Having healthy, compassionate, strong boundaries rules will make you feel more empowered in your relationships, drive joy and avoid any resentments. You also get more respect from people because by having boundaries you communicate self-respect to them.

Find yourself first

To find true love, you need to know your true self. Take some time to explore who you really are. Spend some time in solitude, question yourself and be prepared to answer them honestly.

What are your needs? What are your dreams? What do you want? What is important to you in life? You may come to a realization that some of the beliefs you hold are not even yours!

Attracting a partner from a place of knowing yourself well, usually results in finding someone who values and wants the same from life. When you don’t know who you are, you also cannot know who you want to share your life with.

Finding yourself is also about realizing that you are a whole and complete person. It is about understanding that you are capable of satisfying your own needs and desires. It’s about making your own dreams come true, being comfortable on your own, having a strong relationship with yourself and living your life as a single, proudly and boldly.

The quality of the connection you have with yourself will determine the quality of your relationships with others, including romantic relationships. If your relationship with yourself is not happy and healthy, it will be difficult for you to create a healthy and happy relationship with someone else. 

Know the relationship you seek

It is not enough to know that you want a relationship or to know that you’re done with being single or to that you miss the company of a significant other.

You need to know what kind of person you want to share your life with. You need to know how you want to feel in your relationship. You need to know how you want to live your life once you are in a relationship. Most of all, you need to know the type of person you want to be in this relationship.

Take a piece of paper and journal about it. Be decisive, gain clarity and explore what kind of relationship you want to create, and don’t forget to determine your non-negotiable’s! Knowing this will help you navigate dates and avoid painful mistakes with people who can’t give you what you want. And for that, you have to know what you want in the first place, right?

Be honest to yourself and don’t judge yourself for seeking what you want. Knowing what you want can save you lots of heartache and time. If you want your next relationship to be with someone who’s right for you, so your love together can last and thrive, it’s important to spend time getting to know yourself first.

If anything indicates that you’re not ready for the love you seek yet, don’t be afraid to take time off to enhance your relationship with yourself. This will only serve you long term. It is an investment into your amazing relationship, and investments do take time.

Let’s learn to respond rather than reacting to Life

Do you have the patience to wait till your mud settles and the water is clear? – Lao Tzu

Much of our lives is spent in reacting to others and to the events around us. The problem is that these reactions might not always be the best course of action and as a result, they can make others or us unhappy and/or make things worse.

Why would we want to make things worse?

We don’t want to! The truth is, we often react without thinking. It’s a gut reaction, often based on fear and insecurities, and is not the most rational or appropriate way to act. Responding i.e. response with ability, on the other hand, is taking the situation in, and deciding the best course of action based on values such as reason, compassion, cooperation, etc. Although the words are sometimes used interchangeably, there are times when we use one, but not the other. We speak of having a reaction and making a response. For some reason, “having” seems more involuntary than “making” so it’s easy to say that reactions are unconscious or involuntary while responses are a conscious choice.

Can you think of a time when your response was directly related to your initial emotional reaction?  If you later regretted that response, how could you have made a better response?

“When you REACT, you are giving away your power. When you RESPOND, you are staying in control of yourself and own the power.”  How does this work?   If a reaction is a consequence of some kind of stimulus, then the stimulus is the cause and our reaction is the effect.  The power resides in the cause (the stimulus), rather than in the effect, because the stimulus initiates the situation, and often, the stimulus is what can be controlled.  When you choose to take (or not take) action, you are making a considered response, rather than having a knee-jerk reaction.

You can choose to act in ways that are appropriate; you can choose actions that you will not regret later.  You can choose a response that will teach a lesson or draw attention to an inequity of some kind. As long as you are choosing what you will do, you are retaining your power and staying in control, because your response is voluntary. Responses are not always positive, especially when they are based on the initial reactions of strong, negative emotions.

When you respond to life, you think or retreat that’s positive; when you react to life, you choose to fight or escape that’s negative. For example: You get sick and go to the doctor. Chances are good that after an examination, she would give you a prescription with instructions to return in several days.

If, when you walk back in the door, the doctor starts shaking her head and says, “It looks like your body is reacting to the medicine; we’re going to have to change it,” you probably would get a little nervous.

However, if the doctor smiles and says, “You’re looking great! Your body is responding to the medication,” you would feel relieved.

While responding seems like the prudent choice, you may be wondering how speed plays into this equation. Clearly in a crisis or emergency situation it may seem that you would logically need to react or operate in a split-second decision mode.

The reality is the best crisis managers (ER doctors, emergency management officials, firefighters) actually are trained and practice a variety of scenarios precisely so they can respond rather than react.

The difference is in preparation and thought.

In other words, response (versus reaction) doesn’t mean you will be slow, just thoughtful. You will be able to make better decisions and make better choices when you respond rather than react. Response with mindfulness can help our relationships, teach, build a better team or partnership, make the situation better, calm everyone down, including ourselves.

At first, you might mess up. But in time, you’ll learn to watch this reaction, and you’ll get better at the pause. Don’t fret if you mess up — just resolve to be more mindful when it happens next time. Take note of what happened to trigger your reaction, and pay attention when something like that happens again.

Yes, responsibility to life is good. Let us deliberately choose to respond to life and make it all the more positive.

Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. – Viktor E. Frankl

Create Abounding Happiness

”One moment of joy is a sign of better things coming your way”

We all want to be happy at all times. Of course, it feels wonderful to be happy every moment of every day yet, we start the creation of our happiness on a wrong foot. Happiness, as we give our power away to people and their actions to make us happy or depend on situations to be favorable is a tall order. 

What if I tell you that being happy is not as difficult as you think ? Happiness is at the very core of our nature; it just exists within. Do you need to practice not to step on the accelerator of your car if you’d like to slow the car down? Not really, once you realize that you are the one who is stepping on the accelerator, you can stop any time you like.  In the same way, the moment we stop focusing on the things which make us unhappy or keep our attention to the happy things; the momentum kicks in, adding more to our happiness.

There are two forms of happiness; Absolute happiness is when happiness is a conscious choice, you create your happiness independent of anything outside. I call these people all weather creators and there is Relative happiness where happiness depends on everything outside of you; how people treat you, their actions, situations which makes them fair weather creators. It is easy to be a fair weather creator and most of us are!

Now.. How about being all weather creators of your happiness ? Interested ? Read on..

Most of us have a flawed premise that it’s someone else’s job to create our happiness or we that we can create anyone else’s. In reality, you are the only one who can create your happiness and the same goes for others.  In relationship’s, I have heard people say- You don’t make me happy any more. It’s your responsibility to make me happy. Don’t you think that is screwy? You have no control over your happiness, the moment you hold the other responsible for how you feel and the other will just be as miserable as you are trying to make you happy by doing the things that please you rather than pleasing themselves. How far does such a journey go ? Sooner or later the other will realize that they are depriving themselves of the things they want and their happiness trying to do the endless things you want and it will all come to a culmination.

If you want lasting relationships and to feel good, it is good to realize that happiness comes from within. You are the only one who can create happiness for yourself. Anything else is just a cherry on the cake. Only you are accountable for feeling good. Let go expecting others to make you happy or the need to make others happy because that can never happen. Take charge of your own happiness. Let’s just say sadness and happiness are two ends of a stick. As you wallow in your grief you cannot allow happiness, shift your thought to something better, distract yourself from that thought and before you know you will be happy again.

Isn’t it interesting how an abandoned house disintegrates, after all those years of standing in perfection? It is not because of the bugs but of the attention which is withdrawn; in the same way as your attention shifts from unhappy thoughts to happy ones; the unhappy ones disintegrate. 

Stop living in the past and being a victim of your unhappy thoughts. Another way to move instantly to a happy place is to appreciate things in general; don’t try appreciating things in specific if you are not up for it. You have a choice in every moment to give attention to a thought that feels better. Remember, happiness is not a college degree which is all yours once you have it; it’s in the moment. It takes desire and practice to feel good; it doesn’t happen in a day. Make a deliberate choice to be happy everyday. Every such moment of happiness in life is one worth celebrating.

It is not possible to pour from an empty cup. In the same way, you cannot spread joy when you are unhappy. The greatest gift you can give to another is your happiness. Can you lift any one up by being sad yourself ? The answer is No every time. You can only influence a person to happiness from your state of happiness. So; focus on your happiness.

The unconventional vows of any relation or a wedding should be- Do you take the responsibility to keep the other happy by being happy ?

When you are happy you light up the world with you, find happiness within yourself.

To Love and Joy!

Create your Heaven on Earth

Life on this planet is an adventure; from the moment we’re born till the time we breathe our last. Life is a madcap caper—scary, exhilarating, boring, peaceful, and loving—it’s an escapade; a quest; a thrill; a passion; a lark. Life is!

In this life we all have faced our share of up’s and downs and experienced every emotion possible, and oftentimes, we don’t like being in this game of life. We can be afraid and try to protect ourselves from criticism. We can hide, but then we may miss the wonderful adventure that’s open to us. We are all afraid of something or the other, but from within we all know, we can do it anyway.

A part of the quest of life is going through our fears and emerging—stronger and even more triumphant. No one is more courageous and adventurous than a baby fighting its way down the birth canal—struggling for its first breath, or a child taking its first steps. We all have been there and we know that we can fight and conquest all that life offers; leave the fears behind and take a step ahead. Lets not look back at our lives with regrets or shame. Look at the past as the richness and fullness of life; without which we would not be here today.

We can’t hide from life. Life is here for us to live to the fullest. Be spirited and move out into life. Ask for what you want. Believe that you deserve it, and then allow life to give it to you. Be sure that you’re willing to receive. Life can’t give to you if your hands are closed. Open your mind, open your heart, and open your arms. Life loves you and only wants to give you the best. Love life and life will love you back.

Break Free from your Artificial Boundaries

When you drive down the highway, you can’t help but notice that there is an imposed speed limit.

When you want to purchase a home, the bank imposes a credit limit.

It doesn’t matter where you turn, there are limits.

Limits to how much you should eat.

Limits to how many days off you can take from work.

And of course, the limits imposed on ourselves by us?

Do you frequently sit back and think about what is happening in your life, what you are doing, where you are going? Or why you are where you are? I’m sure you do. That is something most of us do, occasionally at best, on a regular basis.

Did you ever consider that you deserve to be happier than what you are or get better out of whatever you desire? When you are mentally reflecting on your way of living, do you get the feeling that you are flying too close to the ground and that there is a strong possibility you could soar as high as you desire and experience happiness above and beyond what you do now ? So what’s stopping you where you are? Do you think you limited yourselves, your experiences and actions?

It’s comforting to have a fence which no one can breach but these boundaries are just a way to avoid the present or to shun uncomfortable feelings, like anger, fear, guilt or criticism. Have you ever checked if your boundaries are working well for you? How do you feel caged in the self-imposed limits?  Do you feel happy?  Did you escape the anger, fear, guilt, criticism and hurt? I am certain that you didn’t because anything you resist will persist. So, don’t you think it’s a high time to push your boundaries a little and see what you are capable of?

Quite evidently, we didn’t set the confines’ for fun; some we did because of the fear of failure or of being hurt; we enforced some on ourselves when our parents and teachers taught us to play safe with the best of the intentions to protect us from odds. After all, they love us, right? But did any of those limits really protect us from good things happening or from what we feel within?

We all have battle scars, but some of us have more trouble letting go the old dogmas that are limiting. While we can go on blaming others, whine and quit; we still have a choice to accept and get over it. Stop seeing yourself as a failure or pulling yourself down because of some incident or someone. Don’t dwell on catastrophe. Holding on to terrible memories and feelings is both exhausting and counterproductive. Move beyond your old beliefs and allow yourself to work past the pointless patterns, get more done and move forward.

The only impeding limits are our limiting beliefs. The limits that we have are artificial. They are not real; they are imaginary. And, because they are synthetic, they can be altered. Rather than permitting yourself to be boxed in by perceived constraints, rethink how you have been thinking by focusing on the possibilities rather than limits or obstacles.

Take responsibility for yourself, your life, and your mind, find the courage and determination; start by not making any boundaries. Engage your mind in a game of mental gymnastics where you break through the boundaries of the probable. Give yourself permission to dream, to risk, to go after what you want. Many say it’s better to be safe than sorry. But really … if you always play it safe, you might end up being sorry! At the end of the day, we regret the things we didn’t do more than the things we did! Quit limiting your desires to what you think you can have or what you think you deserve.

The doubt, fear, and worry that you experience when stepping out of your boundaries may cause you to retreat to what you perceive as safety. Unfortunately, that’s the most dangerous place you could live because there is no growth there. And where there is no growth, there is disintegration. Nothing ever stays the same. You’re either moving forward towards something bigger and better or you’re going in the opposite direction.

The experience of living with yourself can be the most wonderful experience imaginable. Wake up every morning to the joy of being you and with you. Anything can turn out to be in our greatest good if we approach it in ways from which we can grow. We can willingly transform our lives into something better if we trust our feelings; feelings even when not tangible are real; they are our thoughts in action and have a lot to say about our internal worlds. We can’t control what happens to us, but we have a lot to say about how we react and, therefore, what happens in us.

In many areas of our life, what is within our reach is enough to stagger the mind. We don’t have to know how to get what we want; once we start to visualize ourselves with it the solutions will begin to appear. Get out of the old idea that you must know how to do or get what you want; it is part of the artificial boundary. Think of a dramatic quantum leap– forget common sense and stretch your imagination.

Force yourself to move forward. Draw on your inner strengths, the people who love you, and your faith to transform your life into something better. Formulate a vision of a more purposeful life filled with people and experiences that will help you become more fulfilled and unlimited.

If there is one thing you should be totally comfortable taking a risk on, that should be yourself.

After all, when you make up your mind to be so, you’re unstoppable!

“The limits of possible can only be defined by going beyond them in to the impossible’’- Arthur C. Clarke

A Love Equation

“Love is the bridge between you and everything. – Rumi”

The quintessence of love is when it’s truly unconditional; so different from the kind of love most of us have known and believed all our lives that it deserves a definition of its own.

Although the term unconditional love is no alien to us; we are conditioned to love conditionally. We are programmed to be provisional to expect something in return for our love. We’ve all been burned. That’s why we are so surprised when we discover or receive—kindness or love that has no strings attached. In fact such an experience is so rare, that we never forget the experience or the person.

On a deeper level it’s much more to absolute love than we realize. Unconditional love is not when your parents fulfill your desires when you demand something. It’s not buying a bouquet of roses for someone closer to you or even telling how much we love them. Unconditional love is just allowing what the other person is, rather than what we want them to be and love them anyway.

It’s to be able to love, when it is difficult, even when your mind tells you that you shouldn’t. To be willing to look beyond other’s faults, struggles, and whatever pain and hardships that life may bring; loving without any judgments and forgiving as much as you can. Love has the power to change the world and it’s this love alone that has the power to heal all wounds, bind people together and create relationships quite beyond our capacity to imagine.

Won’t you feel fortunate to be on the receiving end of such an act of thoughtfulness? The experience can be both endearing and a bit awkward -what do you do for someone who gives to you unconditionally of themselves and asks for nothing in return? I have had many such experiences which have left me with a feeling of awe and a sense of value that is very treasured. This kind of unconditional love may be a little strange to receive in our world of expectations and reactions, and yet if you allow yourself to be the receiver, I can tell you it’s pretty terrific.

To be able to love unconditionally you’ll have to learn to love yourself first, so that you have the strength of heart and an open mind. You need to fill your cup with love before you can offer it to the world because you cannot give out of an empty cup. Love is nourishment to the soul as food is to the body. Can you remember the feeling, when you fed someone who was starving? Did you feel happy and pleased? Now envisage the feeling you would have just by extending love to someone or talking to them with love. When love is given it benefits both the giver and the receiver in more ways than we can envision.

Before you talk to someone the next time ask yourself if you are truly acting with the most love you can for a person at that moment. Let go of your ego. If you find it hard to give out love, I suggest you fake it till you make it. You can’t recognize unconditional love until you give it away. Perhaps a more accurate way is to say that we are not prepared to receive absolute love till we are humble enough to show it to others. Loving unconditionally is more of a behavior at first before it becomes a state of being; although the results of such a behavior in both the cases are significant. Extending yourself, vulnerabilities and all, into an uncharted emotional territory with the belief that regardless of the outcome you will plant nothing but love and touch as many hearts as you can.

As you embark this journey of love, it is good to know that it won’t to be easy or comfortable always; you will have situations in life that are challenging and that foster growth for your loved ones; allow them to decide. By choosing to protect them, you will curb their personal growth and that definitely isn’t unconditional love. Help them to grow in a loving way; understand their emotions and feelings, stand by their side without any judgments.

Unconditional Love doesn’t mean you should be a people pleaser. Put yourself first, care and love yourself. Don’t play the martyr; it is not rewarding or validating to be one and causes resentment. Recognize what is best for you and prioritize your needs and desires above someone else’s. It is crucial to determine the love for yourself.

 Master the art of forgiveness. I can tell you that it’s the most difficult and truly unconditional act of love towards us and others. In any circumstance where you feel you have been wronged, neglected or taken advantage of, and even if someone hasn’t apologized, forgive. It’s inherently the most loving way to respond to yourself and to them. Let go of any anger and resentment in the best interest of your growth. Harboring such energy is mentally exhausting and over time it effects physically. Forgiving doesn’t mean you forget or to allow someone to hurt you. The act of practicing unconditional love will be tainted and not at all healing if you choose to hold onto the negative emotions. Be conscious of it and be willing to risk, fail, to love and to receive. 

It is not so hard to focus on love as you’d imagine. The love inside us isn’t lost, its just covered over by mental mists; all it requires to clear the mists is a firm decision to see and live out of love, shift our perception and return to love. We all know we have all what it takes, but we are paralyzed and are in a constant state of terror. We are afraid this is not the right relationship or it is; we are scared of success and of failure; we are scared of dying young as we are of growing old. Its seems as if we are more afraid of living than dying.

I have heard a lot of people say that the childhood days are the best days of their lives. I say… Hell yeah… They definitely were because we were connected and focused on love.  If you really wish to relive such wonderful days all your life all you have to do is simple; relinquish fear and accept love back in to your life and be who you really are.

Love is the essential reality and our purpose on earth; experiencing and giving love is the purpose of life. Love is who we are and that is what we are here for. As someone who has experienced unconditional love and someone who has consciously chosen to give it; I think, this is an expression of our kindest self and is an intrinsic part of growth which we all can benefit from each moment.

The paradox is that we discover life in all its fullness when we give it away freely and unconditionally.

– To Love and To be Loved.

What you say matters!

“With Love as short as a half taken breath don’t plant anything but love”- Rumi

Late in the 1950’s, there lived a girl named Mary who grew up knowing she was different from other kids and she hated it.

As she had a cleft palate, she had learned to steel herself against the jokes and stares of children who teased her about her distorted lip, crooked nose, and garbled speech.

Mary was convinced that no one outside her family will ever love her; until she entered Mrs. Leonard’s class. Mrs. Leonard was a wonderful woman with a warm smile, a round face, and beautiful brown hair. All the children liked Mrs. Leonard, but Mary grew to love her.

In those days, teachers administered a hearing test in the classroom. Unfortunately, Mary not only had a speech impairment due to her cleft palate, but was also partially deaf in one ear.

Determined not to let the children have something else to tease her about, she thought of a way to cheat on the hearing test: She could pass the “whisper test” by covering her bad ear and turning her good ear toward her teacher.

On the day of the dreaded hearing test, Mary was understandably nervous. When it was time for her “whisper test,” Mary clearly heard this come from Mrs. Leonard’s mouth:
“I wish you were my little girl.”

Those seven words changed Mary’s life FOREVER.

That’s because every word we say matters.

Perhaps a parent, teacher, grandparent or stranger said something to you as a child/adult that turned your life around or gave you hope that you could achieve a dream. If so, you’ll never forget what they said.

Try to pass that hope on to some one, be kind  always and try not to judge. As Mother Teressa said- If you judge a person, You dont have time to love them.

Are we careful of what we say?
If the words we spoke appeared on our skin would we still appear the way we are! Would the words inflict any harm or bring good to us or anyone else?

If someone paid attention to our conversations, would their lives be changed for better or worse? Would they hear us speaking about the flaws of others -physical defects/ behavioral imperfections or would they hear things that build others up?

Stop for a moment to think about your last conversation. If it is true that words are things, would you want what you say to become true for you or someone else you care about? If they were expressions of worry or anger or regret or jealousy or hurt or revenge or fear, how do you think they will come back to you? Always choose being kind over being right.

Wouldn’t  you like to draw others near you rather push them away when you speak ? Won’t you like the feeling of being  someone who draws the best out of someone rather than tearing them apart?

Be aware of what you say
Many a times, we speak without thinking. Before your next conversaton take a second to think, if the same words were directed towards you; would you feel good ? Start right now; listen to yourself and be aware of the impact it may have on someone. When you hear yourself expressing negativity of any sort, stop and rephrase the sentence or just drop it.

Imagine yourself at a magnificent buffet, where instead of dishes of food, there are dishes of words. You get to choose any and all the words you wish to create not only your future experiences but also shape others’.

Its foolish to choose the ones that will create problems and pain. It’s like choosing food that always makes you ill. You may do this once or twice, but as soon as you learn which foods upset your bodies, you’ll stay away from them.

Well, it’s the same with our thoughts. Its always good to stay away from thoughts and words that create problems and pain for ourselves and others.

Each moment is a new beginning
Mary’s life changed the moment she heard Mrs. Leonard’s say, “I wish you were my little girl.’’

And the same can true for all of us.

It doesn’t matter how long we’ve had a negative pattern, an illness, a poor relationship, or lack of money.

The point of power is always in the present moment. No matter what we are going through, we are never stuck.

When we accept this, our problem no longer needs to be the truth for us. It can now fade back into the nothingness from where it came.

The change takes place, right here and right now…in our own minds!

Make an Impact
“I wish you were my little girl.” 

Solomon called these kinds of words “apples of gold in settings of silver.” They can erase years of pain and sorrow. They are filled with love and acceptance. They are priceless to those who hear them.

Just use words full of love for everybody that interacts with you no matter how personally, or how peripherally, involved they are with you.

Inspire, encourage, create an impact, let them know you care! Love someone the way you want to loved; understand as you want to be understood.

Your words have terrific power; Use them to dispense apples of gold in settings of silver. Seek someone who is downcast and whisper a word of encouragement. You never know who needs to hear words of love or encouragement -“I wish you were my friend” or “I believe in you. You can do it.”

To more and better.

Embrace your feelings; Live a life of passion, joy and fulfillment.

“Accept, then act. Whatever the present moment contains, embrace it as if you had chosen it. This will miraculously change your whole life.” ~Eckhart Tolle

The expression- Be in the Now; sounds so effortless and yet we mostly never are! We are either busy re-living the past with our heads cluttered with the chatter and the wrecked memories or we are apprehensive and scared of what’s to come; while doing so we tend to overlook the beauty and simplicity of the present—this moment, NOW.

It takes a conscious effort and deliberate intent to live in the present and to understand better about ourselves as a person. Do you know someone who’s never had a broken heart or has no fears? I don’t think there is anyone such; albeit there are people who have mastered the art of understanding their emotions, accepting them to learn, grow and move on. Our emotions are our key guiding systems. 

Emotions—be they uplifting and blissful, or distressing and intimidating—come to us to teach us and are definitely not meant for the world outside to decipher us.  Surrender, embrace all of life, learn, expand your horizons and take accountability for everything that is or happens in your life.

As I look into the distant past, I remember feeling hopeless when my mom, my hero, passed away. When she passed on, my whole world crumbled and for years I was lost in grief, isolated myself from others trying to understand my feelings. I felt like no one understood me and feared that nothing will be normal again till this became my everyday feeling. I often felt lonely and would hold on to that loneliness as a way of feeling closer to my mother making it all the more difficult for me to embrace my feelings. This eventually pulled me away from others and kept me stuck in a cycle of grief and unrealistic expectations. I was lost in the void. When we loose something or someone, all of our wounds, emptiness, pain, and vulnerabilities are exposed. As much as it hurts, the void should not be feared. The void is where miracles, strength and change are born. It dawned on me that I was fighting the tide by not accepting my feelings and since then everything has changed. 

Everything that happens; is for a bigger and a better plan. Even when it was difficult and took a fair amount of time, I accepted that she wasn’t going to come back. Doing so, something significant transpired, I started to feel her presence around me. As I embraced pain, suddenly I felt so light, alive and empowered. I seized every opportunity to learn from my experiences, feelings and people in order to understand who I really am and where I’m going. 

Learning to accept myself, past; embrace the present and what’s to come instead of fearing has been a continuous but rewarding journey so far.

As you unravel all there is to see and learn from your past, you may feel the urge to store it all away; this is normal.  Accepting your past is not about yearning a change or disregarding it; it’s about altering your perception of it so that you can live a fulfilled life. Acknowledge your thoughts and feelings without judgment; there is no wrong or right way to do it. Your healing journey starts once you begin to accept the past. This is the start of letting go, moving on, and living more in the present. Give yourself time. 

Harboring emotions, particularly the unhelpful ones, only bring more emotional turmoil and keep us stuck in the past. Don’t feel that you are alone in this, share your emotions with people around you – A joy shared is double the joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow. Do something you really like; being creative is an exceptional and therapeutic way of releasing anything that’s stuck inside. Be connected to the nature and people. Become aware of your feelings, understand them. Observe your thoughts and how they make you feel. Our mind has the ability to conjure up diverse thoughts within seconds. Some of these thoughts can be positive, others can be negative; but most of the time our thoughts are past or future oriented.

Our thoughts create our reality. The more we think a particular thought, the more it becomes an ingrained belief, so it’s important to be aware of our thoughts so that we manifest a positive reality, not one that’s full of struggle.

 The only way to be happy, healthy and whole is to face and deal with the void inside you. If something is missing, broken or empty from inside, there is no one that can fill it but you; Only you are capable of it. Once healed, you’ll feel a sense of joy and fulfillment that none can replicate. The conditions outside will simply enhance the feelings you’re already experiencing.

Welcome what comes on this journey, have faith; we are never given anything we cannot handle. Learn to go with the flow that life offers. Trying to go upstream is a means; we learn to cope whereas the natural way of muddling through life is to feel the course of life.

“Whatever you fight you strengthen and what you resist persists”

With Love.